And all the lives we ever lived
And all the lives to be
Are full of trees and changing leaves...
Addictions are old friends. And sometimes you just don't want to let go.
Say, one is addicted to being a million different people...
In one day, say the 1st of May 2008, you can...
wander through london in the great frost
fall in love
traipse around on a jamaican beach
lose yourself
eat the best fried chicken in the world
be granted eternal life
commit heinous sins of darkness
go to turkey as an ambassador
find yourself
get jilted
win literary awards
fall in love again (the repetition here is inevitable- people seem to do this a lot)
sail into magical oceans
commit suicide
be resurrected
win a war
lose your mind
Pure.
Phantsmagoria.
And then you can go out and get a drink, and live yet another life.
Icing on cake.
Fantastic.
But (and there is a but).
If you're used to living many lives, you start to explore the possibilities in your own, right till their logical conclusions.
Say there is an ongoing something in your life.
Well. I have already lived this something out to its various possible ends in my mind.
I have seen the worst that may happen
I have said what I might say.
I have foreseen heartbreak.
I have already cried.
This is substantially different from being "prepared for the worst".
It means you have already lived through the worst.
The ideal blissful conclusion is also lived out of course.
This again, is different from "hoping for the best".
It means you have already lived the best that can be.
But the cynic in an addict persists in dwelling on the former... Illusions can only sustain you so far, right?
If you have already walked down the paths that lie before you... do you convert it from the possible to the probable? Even if it is just in your head?
Does thinking about things make them happen?
Can a private performance lead to a real change?
A superstitious cynic...?!!
No wonder the madness of literature beckons.
Some temptations are impossible to resist.
And the addiction spins out of control.
Mortality, time, and space collapse.
Lives must be lived.
4 comments:
Every decision I make always boils down to a worst case scenario versus a maximize your profit thing.
And yet I balk.
welcome back p. And how!
:). One million wants. One life. Sigh!... Loved this post.
"No wonder the madness of literature beckons.
Some temptations are impossible to resist."
This is so what I was struggling to get at yesterday. I could have used some help...
The tone here seems to me impersonal and personal at the same time. Nostalgic and prophetic. As if speaking on a mountain with a voice coming from the abyss.
@ art- Heh. I wish. I remain dissatisfied, and my scar hasn't healed yet! :)
@ fissko- Thanks!
@ gautam- Yes, I realized that only when I read your comment :) And like I keep saying, your comments are more enigmatic and evocative than many full-blown posts so why don't you get down to blogging, my friend??
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